He looked at me, tears running down his face, voice broken with pain. "I never saw it coming. I didn’t understand how unhappy she was. Now, she’s gone, and I know I blew it".

This executive was experiencing what so many of us have gone through, the surprise and pain of being blindsided by what, in hindsight, was obvious to those around us.

When we lack the courage to clearly see our current reality, we will suffer from it, later, if not sooner. Are you willing to take clear-eyed stock of the way you are living, relating and working with others? Are you willing to realistically assess your business, customers, competition, your staff, your leadership, your life?

Following your map for success in life, both in terms of relationships and bottom-line results, will depend upon and be shaped by small, daily acts of courage. If the first act of courage is to boldly dare is to dream of where you want to go, the second act of courage is to boldly look at your current reality – where you really are on the map today. A map is not very helpful if it only shows the way from New York to Atlanta, if in fact you are studying it to figure out how to get from Kansas to Atlanta. You need a map that shows where you are, your current reality.

It takes courage to look into our life mirror without blinking at what we will see: not only the good, but also the longing, the superficial, the bad and the ugly about our lives. Why does it take courage to face current reality? It is simple. We don’t like the pain of having our carefully constructed self-image punctured. We work to avoid the pain of having to change our daily habits. If we really see any of the ways in which we are creating pain for ourselves or for others, we are faced with making uncomfortable changes or living with the new awareness of personal faults and accountability.

It is easier, albeit more dangerous, to put on the blinders of denial, rationalization and justification while our ego leads us through life. Having the courage to dream or craft a vision (as discussed in my last column) creates the "future pull" that provides direction and motivation, yet it remains only a dream until you begin to courageously take stock of where you are and what you "stand" on.

Once you know where you stand, you more effectively see what you will have to overcome and need in order to get to your goal. Your thinking habits, allies, strengths and self-limiting beliefs are parts of your current reality. This, in essence, is the ground upon which you stand. Are you on solid ground or thin ice or somewhere in between?

I’m not saying that we need to beat ourselves with whatever is painful, difficult or not working for us in our current reality. In moving toward our dreams, we need to be willing to exercise and develop the courage to supportively see current reality as our daily starting point. As we develop our capacity to cut to the heart of a matter, it becomes difficult, if not impossible to be fooled by illusions or lies.

As W.C. Fields put it, "You can’t cheat an honest man." We find a tremendous power to claim and shape a more whole-hearted like as we find the courage, day by day, moment by moment, to tell the truth about what we really want and the way we are living out life. The power of personal truth-telling lets us drop any pretenses, delusions or lies that waste out time.

Besides, in developing our courage quotient by telling ourselves the truth, we receive two very powerful gifts. First, we become very clear about the choices we are making in each moment. We become aware of when our actions are less than faithful to what we truly want to create in out lives. Secondly, this level of self-awareness becomes a source of great power and efficacy. We find that something deep within us "turns on"—magnetically reaching out to influence those around us with a sense of deep personal integrity and authenticity. Our sphere of influence expands and enables us to make desired change be taking more effective actions.

There are four primary ways to cultivate and develop the courage to see current reality.

Listening not Arguing:

We all like to look good, but no matter how hard by 4-year-old argued about how clean she was, her current reality was spaghetti sauce on her face from ear to ear. Arguing was not going to get her face clean. Make it a point to listen versus argue when something is expressed that pricks your ego. Clarify what was said and listen carefully. The other viewpoint might have something of real value to contribute to your understanding of the reality around you, (Especially that of the person expressing him or herself.) It just may be that others see the egg on your face before you do.

Questioning not Assuming:

Have you ever wished somebody had asked you instead of making the wrong assumption? Cultivate a stronger sense of curiosity about the world. Be willing to ask and explore the possibility that things may be quite different from what you had thought. Notice when you have made an assumption and explore new possibilities and interpretations.

Describing not Judging

In sports, the referees do not always see the foul, yet they have to make the final call that can win or lose the game – and so do we. When the referees confer, they are describing how they see the current reality to make the best call they can. Practice describing and answer as objectively as you can: What are you experiencing? What else is happening? What are you seeing? What are you feeling? Avoid the rush to judgement that limits your options. Instead, work to describe in terms of specific behaviors. For example: "The rude waitress ignored me" is an evaluation and judgement that limits your options. A truer description would be: "The waitress was moving quickly and I could not catch her eye." The evaluation leads to a reaction of anger. The description is more truthful and doesn’t hook the emotions, allowing you to act without causing more pain.

Reflecting not Pushing:

Paul Stookey of Peter, Paul, and Mary fame once said, "There are two ways we miss things in life. One is if they go by too fast, and the other is if we go by too fast." Many successful CEOs tell me that when tension is high and things get too fast, they intentionally slow down the pace. They leverage more time to reflect. Practice several times a day, pausing to simply take stock. What are you feeling? Seeing? What is really going on? Take a deep breath. Slow down and stay aware. Impatience will trip you into automatic reactions rather than appropriate responses.

There is a direct connection between your dream and your current reality. As you develop both the courage and skill sets to see current reality more clearly, your power and ability to direct your life will grow. The clarity you gain will help you cut through distracting judgements, misleading assumptions and unchecked beliefs to get to the very heart of the matter before you. This clarity, and the courage it takes to create it, will build a solid foundation upon which to reach for your dreams. Where are you standing now in your life? Take a deep breath and find out!