Family Concerns
Things change when you’re away at college; if things didn’t change there would be little point in going. As a student your knowledge base is expected to change. As someone becoming an adult your behavior is expected to mature. As someone becoming an adult at a university, your changing knowledge base and maturity are likely to change how you see life, how your see yourself, and how you see the world. Like everything else you learn: how to play sports; a musical instrument or a new computer game, there is a learning curve, with some trial and error involved. Since this is your trip though higher education your family isn’t along for the ride; this can, not will, cause problems. Below are some common problems that have been reported by students who have worked with us.
Parents expect everything to be the same.
Though you have been away getting new experiences and learning new things, at home things have probably stayed pretty much the same. It’s not uncommon for parents to expect you to be the same person, have the same opinions, have the same relationship with your friends and see them the same way you did before you left. This makes the relationship different. Since you have been the one away, the one who has been growing and maturing, the change has occurred with you.
Many parents have been very involved with their children’s lives; have assisted with appointments, and problem solving. This kind of involvement requires that they know a lot of details about their children’s lives. Now that you’re away and making your own schedule, solving your own problems you might think that parents do not need to know the amount of detailed information about your life as they once did. Parents may see this as a sign you don’t care about them; you may see them as being overly nosey.
Just as parents may be used to managing your life and solving your problems, they may be accustomed to giving advice. Advice can be helpful when it’s wanted but can seem like an intrusion or lecture when it’s not. Parents may not realize the rules have changed for you or just may be in the habit of advice giving and don’t know when to stop.
When you go home to visit, your agenda may be more time with friends than time with family. For you it makes sense to be with friends who are going through the same life changes you are. Family may not see it that way, and think that spending time away from them is inappropriate, if not outright rejection.
Everything is different.
The house may look different; your room may now belong to a sibling or have been converted to an office. Hopefully these changes were discussed before you left. Parents no longer come up with the answers for you and expect you to solve problems. Parents are no longer close and available for comfort and support. The roles in the household may have changed. Siblings may now be taking on roles that were yours. The family may treat you differently in unexpected ways. In short, everything may seem different!
If family problems are interfering with your functioning or happiness, The Counseling & Testing Center may be able to help.
The University of North Carolina at Greensboro
Anna M. Gove Student Health Center, 107 Gray Drive 27412
Greensboro, NC 27402-6170
VOICE 336.334.5340
FAX 336.334.5343